I Am Spock
by loneguppy
Summary: Pop culture is alive and well in Charlie Francis' universe. He is all too willing to educate you on his one main obsession.
1. The Skant

**Captain's Log:**

**"_Well, now that you two have, uh, rediscovered your_ Vulcan Mind Meld... _do you think she's doing okay_?" - from Episode 3.03 The Plateau**

**Everyone should know Charlie Francis is a closet Trekkie. We are going to see how much of a fan he really is, over a series of 50-word drabbles.**

**All the references will be found in the Star Trek Encyclopedia.**

* * *

><p>Lincoln Lee's eyes widen when Charlie Francis walked into work in a dress.<p>

"Agent Francis, something you're not telling me?"

Charlie followed his gaze.

"It's a skant."

Lincoln looked even more perplexed.

"Unisex uniform from Star Trek The Next Generation. Going to a convention."

"Nice legs."


	2. She Skant Too

**Captain's Log, supplemental:**

**The initial reaction was better than I had than I thought. I hope you like what I am doing for the Star Trek fandom. I'm surprised no one has done it more often. This is going to be fun for me.**

**Now I want to get Liv's reaction.**

* * *

><p>When Olivia Dunham showed up, with a smile on her face and tongue in her cheek, Charlie gave her a stern look that could kill.<p>

"Don't even."

"What? I wasn't gonna say anything."

A moment later.

"So ah... Is Mona dressing up too?"

"She insisted on picking out matching outfits."


	3. Worst Than Gagh

**What could be worst than _gagh_?**

**Had to make this one 150 words.**

* * *

><p>Charlie was having trouble seeing his console with a black eye. Olivia told him to go home. Lincoln told him the same thing when he arrived.<p>

"Rough weekend?"

"Tell him how you ended up in the E.R., Charlie."

"Is that how you got that shiner?"

"Nope. Got hit before that. Mona wanted to go to the masquerade. It was packed. The next thing I knew, some Klingon dude pop me in the face.

"Then we had Japanese. Never imagined Mona liked raw fish. Anyway, live octopus. Guess that's what it's like eating _gagh_. Six inches to the right, I would have vomited all over her."

"I'm sure Mona will understand." Liv gave him a gentle nudge.

Agent Lee leaned in closer.

"What's that on your nose?"

Charlie touched his face.

"Oh. That's a Bajoran nose appliance. Forgot I still had it on."


	4. You Borg!

**Charlie tells Olivia about a difference of opinion he had with Mona, over a discussion about their respective lists.**

* * *

><p>"Why Lieutenant 'Broccoli'?"<p>

Mona shrugged both shoulders.

"I felt sorry for him. The whole time, poor Reg never got the girl."

"Favourite movie?"

Mona thought for a moment.

"Um. Insurrection. Nemesis too. Poor Data."

Charlie laughed much too heartily for Mona's liking.

* * *

><p>"Charlie! That was mean. Then what did she say?"<p>

"'It dealt with the Prime Directive.' To which I pointed out how both films tanked. That's when she called me a Borg."

While he bought his lunch, Olivia blurted out, "Look. There's Jeri Ryan!"

Charlie spun around on a dime.

"Where?"


	5. Janeway Was A Woman

**How strange is the other side.**

**Sticking to 50 words was harder than I thought.**

* * *

><p>Charlie stretched his back and turned to look over at his partner.<p>

"Hey Liv, when you were over there, did ya happen to notice if they have... you know... "

"Yeah. Except, Spock was not portrayed by Martin Landau and Kirk was captain of the Enterprise."

"Kirk?"

"Uh ah. And they made five series."

"What? Unbelievable. Next you're gonna tell me Janeway was a woman."


	6. I Feel Your Pain

Agent Farnsworth listened discretely to Agent Lee's words to Charlie Francis for she was 100% certain they were about her.

"Astrid just asked me how to couple with a man."

"I feel your pain. I didn't know if she even socialized."

* * *

><p>The next day, Agent Francis returned from Science Division, evidencing an awkward limp. He became leery when the looker approached him. He was not in the mood to give her <em>the talk<em>. To his surprise, she spoke to him in a conspiratorial tone.

"Agent, I too had to test the inorganic battle unit's anatomical structure. I feel your pain."

* * *

><p><strong>For all the times we saw how Vulcans, Klingons and even Ferengis do it. The age old question had to be asked, in the words of our beloved Betazoid.<strong>


	7. I Am A Looker

With our Liv gone.

Have to remember this one in song.

T'was Henry, Lee was minding.

"Change what?" Francis did ask.

The boys were not up to the task.

So Farnsworth show them the drill.

Nor could they avoid what came next.

"Here. I am a looker.

Not a pooper scooper."

* * *

><p><strong>I wanted to do a take on "I am a doctor..." Changing a diaper came to mind.<strong>


	8. Something Wrong With The Universe

Olivia Dunham recalled to Charlie again what it was like in the alternate universe.

"I was just thinking about what you said about Charlie Francis over there. How he died and everything. Let me get this straight. He was killed by a... 'shapeshifters'. Then this 'shifter' assumed my... er... his identity before being killed by their Olivia."

"Essentially," replied Agent Dunham.

"Tough luck."

Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

"I count my blessing that I am still here everyday. There is just something wrong with the universe."


	9. I Am Spock

**Sorry for the lengthy delay. I got busy working on a play. So I decided to wrap this up because I have a couple more stories in mind.**

**I want to thank everyone for all the reviews, especially Cerulean . Phoenix7 for following it all the way. A special thanks to QuoteGirl for encouraging me to go through with it, when all I had was the line - "I am Spock." I love writing the short format, despite the challenge of limiting it to 50 words. (I could not.)**

**After all these years, everyone knows I am a big fan and do the geeky thing by hanging out at conventions. I love them. It's nice to know how many Trekkies like Fringe. I also plan to do a sketch of Charlie in a skant for the fun of it.**

**Live long and prosper.**

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><p>"So there I was, with a <em>perp<em> three times my size. I got him cornered"

Everyone in the master situation room gathered around watching Charlie Francis, as he gestured wildly regaling the events of his latest exploits to his fellow agents.

"In the ensuing scuffle, I managed to get one arm around his neck, but he wasn't going to go down easy. Lucky for me, he was as dumb as he was big. I ducked his punches. And all I had to do was deliver a high kick to his nose, before he fell like a _ton of bricks_."

"Stretching the truth a bit, Agent Francis."

Charlie greeted his superior.

"The crew loves my colourful recounts, sir."

Giving him one of his charming grins, Lincoln Lee just said,

"Indeed."

That's when Charlie punched him in the arm.

"Ow! Why did you hit me?"

"We had a bet remember?"

Agent Lee stared back at his colleague in confusion for a moment.

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

He was heading back to his office, but Charlie continued to dog him jovialy.

"Come on. Say it."

"Fine. I am Spock!"


End file.
